somethign i'm real confused about..

..
there's something thats really got me confused..
and ... honestly .. left me feeling a lot less confident.
Now, I'll be honest,.. I haven't had as much experience with women as I would have liked to..
infact... I really don;t get a lot.. and I don't mean this in a 'Nobody understands women' way..

This is a really weird thing..
I've met this girl (how many posts start this way I wonder)..
but .. well.. I've met this girl... and I really like her.. and wonder of all wonders she feels the same way..
She's away now, and we only spent a few days with each other.. but those were good times.
The thing is... culturally, we're very different.
Now... weirdly.. I never thought of myself as a very 'Indian' person.. Living in a city.. I guess thats how we tend to think of ourselves sometimes.
However, when confronted with someone from a different culture(American)... a lot of things pop up..

I guess I'm a lot more conservative than I thought I was... well... relatively conservative atleast..
I don't know whether it's only me... or are most people in Bombay that way..
Do we all talk about being really cool and open about everything.. but aren't really as open as we imagine..
This stuff scares me a bit.. throws me off-balance..
So.. how well do I know myself..
Am I as cool about really casual sex as I thought I was... or perhaps it's a gender bias.. or both..
Or maybe that.. well.. i don't spend much time with too many people.. so I haven't really understood the way people handle a lot of casual sexual relationships..
Hmm.. I think it's the later..

I've been with only a few women.. 4 to be exact... but relationships haven't really been important to me... guess I still am an emotional shut in..

Didn't spend much time around people really..
Consequantly.. well.. I guess I simply haven't had enough experience with women... and I mean both as sex and as partners..
Ofcourse.. vicious cycle that that is...
You tend to doubt yourself more when it comes to certain things.. which makes you less confident... which makes you more introvertive..

So.. yeh... coming back to this girl.
I'm really careful when talking to her.. because I don't want to offend her with my lack of understanding of .. well.. her life, and how she talks about stuff.
I don't want to seem .. prudish.. or as if I don't understand..
Because when it comes to sex... sometimes having a pruding or conservative point of view may give rise to comments or actions that hurt the other person..
Like ... we were having a discussion about something.. and when I commented.. she thought I was accusing her, or saying she was at fault.. Which I wasn't.. but I realised I sounded that way simply because I was more conservative..

My relative prudishness has been a shock to me .. add to that being with a more experienced woman,.. who is truly very sweet... and yeh.. my complete lack of understanding relationships..
has really knocked my confidence out..
Really loud *WHACK*
....

maybe i just shouldn't care and do my own thing.. no matter how primitive, or prudish, or however much of an arsehole I act like..

...
wtf... I don't need to be stressed about this.. My work's killing me as it is..