3:30 am.. warm rain

The rain was warm,, .. The last thing I expected when I walked into it.
I huddled deeper into my warm windcheater.. a nice one I picked up a few years ago, very cozy..

but the rain,.. now that was weird. Walking out of office ay 3 in the morning, warm rain is the last thing you expect..
..
I wish I could decribe how weird it truly felt... wrong... It was completely wrong.
The rain should've been cold,, it should have made me pull the hood lower, over my face.. the cold drops should've wakened me from the anime induced stupor..

I kept thinking about the rain till I reached the gate, and then began wondering what I was doing there in the first place..
not the gate... but at work... at 3:30 am.. why was I leaving so late...
Anime... Naruto is quite addictive, though not as good as Bleach or FMA. Interesting though.... very..

BUt.. thats not the real reason..
Days still find me fumbling around in a stupor... my mind hazy...
Everything feels fuzzy in the day... it's been like that for quite a while..
It's only when my body starts to shut down that muy mind gets clearer.... like at nights..
..
I can see everything much better.... simpler.
Perhaps it's because my sub-conscience knows that even if I arrive at a certain conclusion, or come up with an idea, I don't have to work on it till the next day...
or perhaps I'm just too impatient during the day.. Thinking...
I can't stop thinking.....


my mind is so ridiculously unfocused ... it gives me a headache..
Sometimes I fear I'd go mad with all that goes on..... I can't make it stop.... sometimes...

it's like a thousand different people shouting to be heard.. or maybe just two.. can't make out..
All I knwo is that they rarely agree on anything...

I need to learn how to focus my mind... focus my life...

I can't live like this.. like a irresponsible young person.... I'l never be happy like this, even if society expects this from me..
I'm old... I've always been old....
even when I was 15 I knew that I had an old soul............. ancient perhaps... I know it is... I can sense it..

That doesn't mean I have all the advantages of an old mind.. The mind is still part of human existence as we know it... It dies with the body, and a new one is created in every child..
the soul and the mind are completely different... The immortal and the mortal self... both always locked together.. fighting...

I'm feeling sleepy now..
Good night..

August 2nd :-
Take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Teastaioinn cineal uaim
Teastaioinn cineal uaim - 'I want sex.'Horny little bugger, aren't you? You enjoy porn and being naked. Hell, you're probably naked right now. Both hands on the keyboard, you pervert!