happy now?

Again...
21 years.. and I'm still here. Lost...
Lost the day I was born,.. Lost ..
Have I ever felt like I wasn't ..?
Have I ever been truly sure of myself? ... When will I begin to accept. When Will I join? When will I stand by something.. and not walk awaybecause of boredom..
When will I go 2 weeks without being afraid of forgettign myself.. oly to end up asking if I ever did know him?..
...

I don't know anything... I know I know that.

I'm a fool. Very simply.
a fool... Thats all ait is.

I'm not even sure what I want to wrtie right now...

What difference does it make..

I'm not upset... well.. Not that I don't have things bothering me.. But I'm not upset about them right now..

I'm back to that state aghain.. and now I realize I hadn't even moved,,, not a bit..
been here..
Where i here?..
well.. you know that place where you alone in the night... cut off from other people.. or maybe that moment when clarity strikes.. and you get to see yourself for what you are...
well.. Thats where I am.. That place..
Still ehre.. hven't moved..

Fuckit.. Do0 we ever move.?

Do ever get closer to where we want to be..as people.. Where.... not in life.. BUt ...
Danmn.. My eyes are closed as I type this... yeh,,really... Closed....
My head;s back onn my chair.. eyes closed....
Looking at the screen now... Not bad.. Typing pretty good..

There see, I've gone off topic again..
now I can't get my eyes ioff my keyboard..
:)

I can't stick to anything.. I get bored...
of anything.. anyone..
I'm never happy... Classic 'Who Moved My Cheese?' case...

I tried blogging for a whikle.. ut lost interest in it.. tried badmention, karate , cycling, computer gasmes, girls I dated.. well.. same thing with them, ... I kept changing friends...

Welll..I get bored.... or maybe its cause I quit when the going gets tough..
No.. that can't be true.. Is tick by my friends.. specially during the times they really need someone.. BUt after that... I'm usualy the one who gets bored..
I get good at something... then drop it..

I have no desire to excel anymore... not even at writing.. NOt even blogging.
Just going through some other blogs today, and I realised I used to write that way earlier.
I no longer bother with clean sentances, or coherent thought,,,

....
I need to fing it... my fire.. My passion..
It could be anything... something to set it off within me..
could be a book, a hobby, a game... a woman.. anything..
I'm dead... I WANT TO LIVE AGAIN... Fuck!!,,,

I can't take this much more... I'm slowing down more everyday... running on sheer will power or what's left of it...