a toast

..
A toast... To all those I've loved and lost...


My love was like dry wine... It couldn't quench my thirst,. but I drank till I was drunk..

Did I love you, or was I so empty that I needed to believe that I could love.

Who is to blame?
The lovesongs? ...
Maybe I shouldn't have been brought up on The Beatles, the Carpenters and Englebert...
I craved the love Elvis sang about.... I could feel every song.. yet I never understood...

I wanted to understand... What it meant to love... to BE loved.... even to lose love..

But I didn't know...

Maybe thats why I loved you..

Either way... it always ended the same..

......................................................

Maybe I'm not made for love..,.. ... I've been told many people say that...
I've been told there's someone for everyone...
Maybe.. maybe so..
And I've never really believed otherwise... always believed I'd meet her....

BUt now... damn... I don't know..

I dont know if I've ever really loved... Maybe she was right.. Maybe I did just tell myself I was in love...
Even if I did love her... maybe it was just the way she looked.. or the life she led..
all of them.... Did I really love?..

No...
.. damnit!!..

I didn't..