At the crossroads.. once again.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I am at the blogging crossroads once again.

I feel I've lost sight of the purpose. I began to blog, so that I could purge.
At first I told myself that it would take me a while to get the hang of it, and once I could write clearer, I would began to empty my heart and soul here.

Not much so far. At first I wanted the comments just to know that someone out there was reading.
When it slipped into an obsession, I know not.

But, here I am. .. again. I find myself waiting for comments. I find myself thinking about how someone would respond, and to what. At times I would even word things carefully, just for that extra twist of flavour, a slight nudge, suggestive.. just to get a reaction.
Again, I am angry at myself, for the same reason. .... not angry... annoyed.

So, when will the purging begin? .. When will I start writing what I want to?

I don't know..

Its not like my current blog isn't a reflection of me... its just the attention grabbing side.

The obvious solution,.. as it has always been,.. is to remove the comments option..

Ahh.. but now how will I know someone has read it? How will they respond?
And ofcourse.. there is the tit for tat principle...
You HAve to Visit someone elses blog, and leave a comment.. maybe twice,.. till they've visited yours..

And then you have to follow up. You gotta say something witty,.. or somethign nice... or somethign that'll make them curious,,..

Damn.. Whats the point?.. Its like real life anyway...
Get someone's attention... make them laugh... tell them something nice... keep in touch with them.. blah blah blah!..


If I liked doing that I wouldn't spend so much time online!.. ..

Defeats the whole damn purpose.
..