the green eyed devil

Who ever thought, Mr. Cool would feel the heat? eh..?

Space, that's something I believe in..
Relationships need them..
And now I find myself with someone who gets pissed when I give it to her..
She wants me to be jealous... but I'm secure..
She wants me to ask her... but I trust her..
..
Or well.. thats the way it was till last night..

So she goes out partying with her friends and a bunch of guys they met at another party ( we're not in the same city)

I'm happy she went partying.. she needed it..
so,... I was happy..I was.. really.
Then.. she calls me when she's drunk... and her friends are drunk.. and instead of going home, they're spending the night at this one guys big house.. (i figured that would happen.. all her friends are single... and want to party.. so that was expected)
and yeh.. her 'host-mom' wouldn't want them coming in real late.

So.. now she's at this guys place.. with 4 other guys.. 4 guys.. 4 girls.. and a lot of alcohol..

Enough reason for the stomach to start churning..??
fear.. insecurity... what ifs... jealousy...
Hehehahaha.. never thought I'd be the one..

guess I love her more than I thought... I think... who knows..

hehe.. the bile.. ahh. the bile.. what a feeling eh?
really painful.. really really.. hell I didn't even understand it..

I don't know what got me worried really..
She loves me a lot..
so she's dancing with 4 horny north indian guys ( north indian guys are fucking bastard...can't trust them to keep their hands off a women..specially if she's drunk - No offence,, it's what I;ve heard)
She's american... she does the grind.. they're all drunk..

And I was burning up inside..

fucking hell.. what a feeling..

The acid pit in the stomach...

The best part is she figured how I felt,..and tried to spend as much time as she could with me on the phone.. :) to try to calm my fears. (i tried not to let her know)..

I'm still amazed i reacted that way..
first time i've felt normal in years..

what scares me is how open I am with her.. I don't want to be hurt again.. I don't know how I would react if I was

Well.. either way.. it's all great....


Work's still killing me.. wrote a really Rude letter to the website guys about how crappy their work was.. I think my boss will kill me.. But I sent it out cause I was just so fucking pissed!!.. FUCk!..
Wasted so much of my time..