How did I get here

Woke up this mornin...

yes... I just woke up...
to the gentle hum of my PC.
The soothing blinking LEDs, like twinkling stars forgotten by the night,,
The bright glow of a freshly rested monitor, forces my pupil to shrink, wakes me up
better than the sun ever did. The crackling of those 4.1 jet black speakers,
the mournin grunt of my ol'HDD, oh sweet sounds, like a million bells,
wishing me good morning..
Oh HOLY FCUk!..
I'm such a fucked up geek.

on the upside, .. I have a pretty good porn collection..

er... but I still don't have a girlfriend..

OK ok.. checklist time..

1) Cool Hair : Definetly CHECK
2) Bodyshody : Protruding Gut, broad shoulders. GUT lvl: Suckable, almost unnoticed - CHECK!
3)Beard : Stubble, goatee- Manly - CHECK
4)Clothes : Still got no style .. ehh.. will do - CHECK
5)Massage Skills : DEADLY . Last 3 women massaged = last 3 women fucked. yes, I know its crude, get off mah back about it.. but seriously, I'd like to see you not want to be 'knighted' by me after one of my special 'Aww, u look so stressed, let Big D take care of it. Lets start with the feet and move on from there' ... I promise you, It has a very cunnin' ending......
-CHECK
6)Job : -CHECK
7)EDUCATION : CHECK (almost done)
8)MOney : Still poor.
9)Car : PUBLIC transport rocks eh?
10) Coolness : WTF? pretty obvious eh? :(
11) Maturity : lvl 5 .. 5 being the emotional quotient of an Orange.
12) Friends : Eh..
13) Girlfriends: Serious so far -0 , Otherwise :4
14) Girlfriends : COmpanionship/love/soulmate/emotional attachment/meanin of life and stuff - ZERo.

Ahh... well.. not bad,

Last position empty .. anyone applying?